After a couple of months of homesickness (and a few circumstances and encounters with different people), I became adamant to stay away as long as I could. The thought that life will just return to normal after this excitement was unappetising. Thus the reason I ended up here on Isle of Man.
It has been 5 years, 2 months and a few days since that long haul flight. It's time to reflect what these years of experience have taught me.
1. Independence. I was in London for 5 amazing years. I was independent in terms of finance, decision making, commuting, socialising, hobbies etc. In London, I could be whoever I want, no one will judge me, no one will stare at me for doing things differently. It's metropolitan where bizarre ideas are well accepted, I dress however I liked, I wore hijab (tho unfortunately not the case anymore) in any style that I liked, I explore different societies, joined different activities, scavenge for more interest that I could take up. Every time I went back to Malaysia for summer break, I realised this independence is something that I truly enjoyed.
2. Financially aware. I was given only a limited amount of money every month as part of the scholarship agreement. Sometimes I do get extra if I managed to get any hospital placements outside of London during the clinical years. I become an addict at planning my money, predicting how much I could save and spend in a month, become obsessed at saving up for that weekend getaway, I planned on how I could save more or earn more including applied for all 3 outside placements (thats like 18 months away from London), rented out to a cheap house in Zone 3 of East London (which is infested with ice and interesting housemates), and being almost nomad, just 3 months prior to final. It was risky but I needed the money. 18 weeks equal to £1800. Enough for my East Coast America trip post MBBS final. It was crazy, but I managed. I am proud. Now I am earning from working as a foundation doctor, I have to think of taxes, return, pensions, insurance etc. When I have no one in the family who has gone through the system, I can only hope on myself to take the initiative and ask around.
3. Bravery. Being far from comfort zone is scary. I have almost no one I could ask for opinion. What to do if my laptop is frozen, my phone is missing, if I missed my flight, I had to deal most of the situation on my own or with a few other friends. I had been on a trip alone, encountered weird strangers, and made stupid social decisions. But by dealing it myself I learn to overcome fear and I know where to look for help like a speed dial.
4. Make big life changing decisions. To stay or not to stay. To apply or not to apply. To proceed or not to proceed with the application. Finally I made the decision to be out of London for foundation training. I know the risk, I would have no one. I was offered a job on the Isle of Man. I almost backed out. But after deep thoughts and exploring what exactly that I want to achieve now, I made the decision to proceed. It was definitely not easy. I had my down moments but I have to remind myself why I made the decisions. I dont want life to return to normal, I dont want to go back and live with my parents, I dont want my independence to be taken away, I want to keep learning all this new things by myself. I could always consult my parents for their thoughts or as baseline, but in the end, it's my call. Isn't this my life after all?
5. 'Nomad' skill. I think the word travel is too commonly used, the idea of going places has become a bit too mainstream to my liking. I prefer the word nomad. You go, you stay, you live, you return. Most people travel for the sake of going, they missed the 'living' part. Anyways, I had never travelled this much, or being nomad this much. I love the idea that I am not tied to a place. I love that I could teach myself to feel comfortable no matter where. I love the fact that I am meeting so many people, I am learning new things every day. I don't exactly loose touch with my root as I do keep in touch with family and friends almost every day. I listen to their experience and compare that to mine. I love the fact that with this has build my character and my ideas about the world.
Looking back, I am truly satisfied. I have had the time of my life. I am living the dream. I am only 25 and I feel like I have achieved a lot that my younger self would have been proud of myself. Almost goodbye 2014, hello 2015. To more crazy mad experiences, unseen places and life changing decisions. To a more fun filled and challenging life.
No comments:
Post a Comment