Typical gush of anxiety hit me yesterday - so so scared to start hitting hospitals again. Medicine is always something so nerve wrecking for me. Worries about about SSC's, abandoned notes, consultations expectations etc etc.
I guess it's in my nature to over think or over feel things. My brain is constantly busy even as I sit quietly, even when I was trying to take a nap, before I doze off to sleep. I never feel relaxed, I self-induced hypertension and migraine, I guess I never really learn. I am big fat failure at chilling.
During the amazingly exciting train trip across West European countries, I was busy with the trip, planning, doing, spending every minute I could just to be Medicine-free and totally dived into the mode of the cities we were visiting. As soon as I reached London via Eurostar, I automatically switched, I am that busy bee Londoner again - whom I thought I have left long 2 weeks ago.
While cleaning up the mess I brought back home, I am physically loosening up but still tired. It feels good though to put your back on that familiar curves of your own mattress but I thought I need more holiday. To be honest, I never had a proper break even before the winter break even assume until the last weekend of the holiday period. Saffa came 2 days before holiday, then Ein, then Nady and friend, then Akiey, then the Xmas dinner, then the crazy boxing day and tube strike, then straight to airport for the Munich-Paris-Brussels trip. I felt like a superwoman, but now I am a mashed potato.
I think I need to revisit my definition of holiday. More filled up days or days of doing nothing? Or maybe I should plan a trip to a relaxing places next, like Lake Brea in Slovenia or Snowdonia or Santorini (there I go again). Ahhhh, how I miss the calming air from the Alps and the calm Lake Alpsee when we visited Füssen.
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PS: Bonne Annee 2013! I need to think about resolutions!
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