So yeah, you're dying

Doctor is such a difficult role to play. Even only for acting, it was a hard role to play.

We had a workshop on how to break bad news to patients. I think it was one of the best communication skill class...ever...in my entire medical school experience. That's the best thing about Barts and The London, it emphasises so much on our communication skill that we're sometimes forgiven for the lack of knowledge, as long as you know how to speak nicely to patient. We have heard nice feedbacks from seniors saying that doctors from top schools like the Imperials or Kings may be favoured for their brain, but the Barts doctors seem to have more heart. (Disclaimer: I am not sure how far this is true though but it's still nice to hear such a thing hehe)

So breaking bad news to patients/relatives of the patient is a tough position for any doctors. Just imagine, a terminally ill patient with questions like:-

"Am I dying, doctor?" "How long do I have now?"

How the hell do I answer that? Agree? Not agree? How do I be politely honest?

"I didn't expect this to happen, he's gone!" *tearing the eyeballs out, sobbing like crazy*

What do you do? Give them a hug? What do you say? Just silently shove them a tissue?

Even though the workshop used actors to play the role of the patients, but seriously, it felt so real (because the acting was really good) and it was a hard acting role to be in. I reflect this upon myself and wondered how the series of bad news in the future might effect me as a person. I am an awkward person, it gets even awkward in such awkward position. Even with friends, I do not deal with bad news that well. What I would do - take a bad news to the shower, under the duvet, or in my lonely room  and cry when people don't see me. You normally do to people what you'd do to yourself, aint it? I don't feel a pat on the back as consoling, for me, let-me-cry-and-you-stay-shush is more consoling, and of course it does not work on everybody.

Doctor is a hard role to play. It demands you to be out of your comfort zone, a human with a bigger heart and yet compose when it comes to emotions. It demands you to be this whole other persona who probably not the persona you're born with. I know I have changed a lot since 2009 especially in communication. Thanks to medical school.